Tayana Antoine, Fenway High, Boston, 2023
Hello, I'm Tayana and I'm a Teen Mom. Well technically speaking, I didn't birth any children. Technically speaking, I'm only a sister. An older sister may I add because that's a very important part of it all. I think it's very hard for people to grasp the pressure. Honestly, if I were to ask you on a scale from 1 to 10, how hard do you think an older sibling has it? Maybe you’d respond with a 7 or 6 to seem empathetic or knowledgeable. And to that, I would strongly disagree. There's no scale to express the toll being an older sibling has on a person! And no I do not think I'm over-exaggerating. Especially as a female in a Caribbean household.
I feel so much guilt when I complain about wanting time to myself but it gets so overwhelming. I feel so much guilt when I feel like I'm neglecting them or making them feel anything less than the main priority. To some degree, maybe these things might sound normal for a sibling to feel. But the capacity that I'm feeling these can be so unhealthy for me. I’m always looking after others and I feel like I’m always putting myself last. I can't even articulate how much I feel for my siblings… It's like wanting to be free but you can't let go. It's being a part of a childhood that isn't yours. It's living your childhood shaping others. It's losing yourself to help others find their way. As a female in a Haitian household, cleaning, cooking, and taking care of the kids are expected of me. Being one of the women of the house means I am the second mother.
It’s funny because when my siblings were born I wanted nothing more than to be a mother figure, and to have that responsibility. I felt like it was an honor to have that role, but the deeper I got into it, the quicker I realized the role was definitely not for the weak. And because I do wake up every day and do my sisterly/second motherly duties, I’ll just go ahead and call myself one of the few strong strong people.
I remember after my mom went back to work from maternity leave I was left with my little sister who was just 3 months old. I was very thrilled. Hell, I was feeling jubilant. The day was beautiful. I bathed her. We did about a minute of tummy time. I fed her food. She got a little fussy, but we cuddled and that was the end of it. Fast forward to nighttime, and she was sleeping in my bed. She started crying frantically and I remember not knowing what to do. I remember being so stressed and feeling the real pressure of a mom. After being with her all day I was overwhelmed. I remember crying along with her as I tried my best to console her because God knows I was tired that day. Now I say I cried along with her to show her that we are the same, we were both kids.
Being a teen mom has led me to a deep-rooted love for women and the amazing art/miracle/blessing called childbirth. It has inspired me to build my company, Anoia. Anoia means ‘she who stands on fertile soil.’ She stands for body positivity and confidence, and she wants to break away from gender stereotypes. By providing mothers-to-be with a box filled with stylish clothing, loungewear and lingerie, and all-natural products, I want to help give mothers time for themselves and to focus on their personal well-being. Moving to college I won't have as many responsibilities, but my teen mom duties will continue. My business will be the new child that I will hopefully grow throughout my years in college
